After we found out that we were having a girl, Chris steadfastly eschewed any of the girl clothes that said "Daddy's Little Princess" because he didn't like the sense of entitlement or the insinuation that she was going to get anything/everything that she wanted.
I knew that I was going to get a girly-girl, as I was not and my mother was and always wanted me to be more girly. It was only just that I should get the girl who preferred pink and ballerinas. And boy, did I ever get her.
From a very young age (before 2) she made her preference for pink known. At one point, she would only wear clothes that had a sufficient amount of pink in them, as deemed by her. She discovered the Disney Princesses (DP) around the time she was 2 1/2 years old and immediately clung to Sleeping Beauty, not because she had seen the movie or knew anything about the character, but because her dress was pink.
My daughter is 3 1/2. I am okay with letting her like Sleeping Beauty because she wears a pink dress right now. I have sometimes wondered if feeding the DP monster (i.e., taking her to Disney World, buying DP books, merchandise, etc.) is a good idea or if we should temper it a bit. The old feminist in me thinks that this whole idea can be destructive to the way she sees herself as a woman as she grows. However, if she was really into Thomas the Tank Engine or Legos, I wouldn't discourage her, so why should I discourage her from this? I have never pushed her towards liking pink (quite the opposite, in fact), nor did I push her towards the DP. Though, in the interest of full disclosure, I really liked the DP when I was a kid, but I was older, like middle school when movies like The Little Mermaid, Beauty & the Beast and Aladdin came out.
My main concerns about her DP obsession:
1. The unrealistic standard of beauty. Though Disney has made concerted efforts to include all races as DP's, they certainly have focused on the European standard of beauty, including an 18" waist for all of the DP's. And, the marketing for the DP's is heavily skewed towards the European characters.
2. Where are the mothers in these stories? The only mothers that I can think of are Cinderella's wicked stepmother and Sleeping Beauty's mother who plays such a minor part that she's not really a mother. Flora, Fauna & Merryweather are her adjunct mothers, but even their relationship is not really shown.
3. The focus on the Prince/romantic story lines. My daughter isn't really old enough to understand all of this (I finally convinced her that she wasn't going to be marrying her brother, which was her initial assumption), but I don't want her to grow up thinking that getting her man is the focus of her life. Plus, all of the Princes fall in love with their beauty, not because of their personalities, and this supposedly enduring and everlasting love all happens very quickly. Understandably it has to be relatively quick in a 90 minute movie, but I think that can set up unreasonable expectations of what love actually is.
4. The undesirable characteristics of some of the DP's. Ariel is headstrong, disobedient and makes a really horrible decision for a foolish reason. Jasmine is also headstrong (which I can't really blame her for, given her situation) and runs away from her loving father. Princess Aurora is just meh -- pretty bland & vanilla. The only estimable characters (in my opinion) are Cinderella & Belle. Cinderella is kind and patient in the face of extreme cruelty. Belle is smart, strong, and willing to sacrifice her life for her father's.
Again, my daughter is too young to understand a lot of this and it's good because it gives us fodder for discussion as she grows older. We've already talked about being beautiful on the inside is much more important than being beautiful on the outside (which comes up because she is often told how cute/pretty she is and she is old enough to understand it now). But I need to continue the discussion with her.
I'm curious what others think about the DP's, especially if you have a daughter?
3 comments:
i actually wrote about this a few months ago too. our girls are def. at the age where this is somewhat unavoidable. we just try not to indulge it and (as is sort our family custom) we deconstruct for her what we don't like about it. that's not for everyone, but that's our style.
neither you, nor i, are girly girls so it's not surprise that neither husband is nuts about it. i'm far more open to it than jeff probably because i was exposed to this stuff and didn't turn out like a princess, but i agree that i don't want the idea of "being a princess" to be seen in a positive light. liking Disney to me does not necessitate wanting to be a princess, but the DP has become an insanely huge industry all by itself. i'm not a fan of big consumeristic industries because once your child gets into it, it's everywhere and they want everything. that's another topic!
I love your thoughtfulness about this, Kindra. We definitely have some princess-obsession in our house. I tried to resist it for awhile, but the fact is I'm a girly-girl myself and I can totally see how dress-up is fun. I also try to talk through the stories with our girls -- good and bad choices (by princess and parents), assumptions about beauty and power, and the origins of evil behavior. And every once in awhile we also talk about how we *are* truly princesses, being the daughters of the King of Kings, and (just like Cinderella) our behavior needs to be as beautiful as our pretty dresses.
just heard of this book, recommended by Laura Goetsch. I am going to try to get it at the library when I have the chance. Thought of your post!
http://www.amazon.com/Cinderella-Ate-Daughter-Dispatches-Girlie-Girl/dp/0061711527
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