*that* mom, part 2

So I fleshed out some of my comments in a previous post a few days ago.

Ben had his first soccer lesson on Thursday and he fought me tooth & nail on going to it. So much whining about not wanting to go and wanting to stay at home that I finally yelled at him to cut it out and that there are many kids whose mommies and daddies don't let them do anything fun and that he should be thankful and stop whining. That finally got him to stop, but he was still pouting and walking very slowly on the way to the field. I told him he had a choice to either participate and be happy or we're going home and he's sitting in his room for the rest of the day. A little background on my seemingly harsh reaction -- we had him in a swimming class over the winter and he refused to participate and was easily the most uncooperative child in the class. I get that he was afraid of some of the things they were doing, so we didn't push him too much, but there were several times when he decided to pout instead of trying something new.

When we got to the field (Wicker Park), there were about 6 other kids in his class and he was doing the first couple of things half-heartedly, which made me even madder. Finally though, he got engaged in what they were doing and ended up having fun -- he asked me afterwards when his next soccer class was and I told him in 7 days and he said "how about 1 day?"

I hate to be so demanding with him, but I also don't want him thinking he can go through life and only do what he wants to do at that given moment, and also that he doesn't ever have to challenge himself or try new things, especially when it's something that I know that he would like. The instructors were great with him and had a lot of fun things for the kids to do.

I struggle with knowing how much to push him through his fears or just plain stubbornness. I understand that he might be scared or reluctant to do new things. But I have coached kids who have flatly refused to do anything that they don't want to do and refuse to push themselves at any level, kids who are basically uncoachable. There are different reasons for that behavior, but my kid has no such excuse as abuse, poverty, broken home, lack of parental involvement, drugs, alcohol, violence, etc.

I don't care if my kids are the fastest, strongest, most talented kids on the field. I just want them to give their best effort.

Breakthrough Urban Ministries

rae_anna46 asked me to comment on Breakthrough Urban Minstries and the work that God has been doing through them. They recently just finished a new building that houses homeless men, as well as serving as administrative office space, meeting space, job training, etc. Their next project is building a youth and family center almost kitty corner from our house which will have a gym, computer lab, a medical clinic, and I've heard rumblings about a school that will be housed there. That is not a comprehensive list, but this is what I've heard through the grapevine...

Our primary involvement with Breakthrough these days is through Ben's attendance at their preschool. We were very very happy with his preschool. The quality of care & instruction is excellent and Chris & I both feel that Ben thrived there. He learned a lot academically but it was also really good for him to befriend children who are different from him and yet his peers and for us to be able to talk through those issues with him. I was able to help categorize the preschool books for the classroom and hope to be able to help out more now that Caroline isn't taking a morning nap.

Chris is still helping to coach the youth soccer team, though we've talked recently about him taking a break until Ben starts playing. He's been coaching for 6 years and I think he could use a sabbatical from it.

Okay, kids are both crying...

*that* mom

My husband, the kids and I were recently at a park about a 5 minute drive from our house.  We fed the ducks and then the kids wanted to go to the playground, so we headed in that direction.  Across from the playground, a little league baseball game was occurring and I couldn't take my eyes off of it.  The boys were probably about 10 years old and both teams seemed to be well coached and disciplined.  I found myself standing there and realizing how strongly I wanted to be sitting there watching my son in the game.  

Before I had kids, one of the things that I most looked forward to was trucking them to all of their sports and sitting in the stands and cheering them on.  Playing sports was of such import to my childhood that the thought that they might not be interested in sports was never seriously entertained, particularly as my husband was also involved in many sports growing up.

I was always somewhat of a tomboy growing up.  Some of my earliest memories included a large red plastic bat and a proportionally large white plastic ball that my father would throw to me underhand, imploring me to hit it and showing me the correct posture and motions when I wouldn't.  I learned to catch and throw at an early age and have never once been accused of "throwing like a girl."  I played soccer until I got into high school and then softball and soccer were in the same seasons and I chose the former.  

I really would like my children to play sports.  Yes, I want them to play for health benefits (which seems to be much of the focus these days to counteract childhood obesity), but I want them to play because I think sports has much to teach children about working as a team, discipline, integrity, and character.  I would love for them to play baseball/softball (my first love), but I am also very conscious of not pigeon-holing them into what I want them to do instead of letting them develop their own interests and gifts.  And, of course, it's possible that they won't want to do any of it (though we will give them ample exposure and opportunity), in which case I will allow them to pursue the activity that they want to do.

I don't want to be that parent who lives vicariously through their child and is screaming at coaches to put her kid in or pushes her child to the point that they are not enjoying themselves any longer.  I want my kids to develop their God-given abilities, whether that is art, music, drama (I have a good deal of certainty that particular one is not my son's gift), athletics, or all of the above.  I'm excited to get to know better what their interests actually are.  It does seem that my son enjoys sports so far, so I'm hopeful that I'll be attending those baseball games after all.

Of course, I do have plans to groom Ben to be a professional soccer player in Europe in order to get my husband to finally go there with me.  But, if he doesn't make it that far, maybe I can still convince Chris to take me to Europe anyhow :)