an exercise in humility

I ran my first 5K in 10+ years today. It was with the young women in the youth program at Breakthrough Urban Ministries. We ran in a race with an organization called Girls on the Run, who exists to empower and enrich young girls' lives by involving them in a running program, culminating in a 5K race. All of the Breakthrough girls did a fabulous job! I was really proud of them and their good attitudes and desire to finish the race.

I was not able to be as involved as I would have liked to have been. Fall is a nutty time in our household, particularly the weekends. The girls (and adult volunteers) ran on Saturday mornings, which were hard for me to make. I made it to the last run before the race last Saturday and a particular girl, Sheniece (not her real name) latched onto me. She's a very nice girl who I enjoy talking with, but let's just say that she's not the fastest runner in the group. I had to prod her through most of the training that day (2 miles) and pretty much through the entire race, egging her on to catch up to me, or to run to the next stop sign, etc.

This was very much a struggle for me. I knew going into this race that we were most likely going to be the last ones to cross the finish line out of all of the groups in Breakthrough. I am very competitive by nature -- I can lose gracefully, but I don't like it. And I didn't like the idea of being the last one in when I could have (and would have preferred to) run the entire 3.1 miles and turn in a "good" time (though I'm a pretty slow runner, truth be told). Instead, it took us 55 minutes to finish. This wasn't an official timed race, so there were no winners -- the premise is that everyone who crosses the finish line is a winner. Particularly seeing where these girls started 2 months ago (I did make it to the first practice) and most, including Sheniece, could barely run/walk the .75 miles that the first week required.

However, I realized the week before the race that I'm not running for ME or any perceived glory that I would get by crossing the finish line in 35 minutes. I wasn't running this for me. I was running it for these girls. I was running for Sheniece. I wanted her to finish, I was there to be an encouragement and help for her. It didn't matter if Sheniece & I finished last. What mattered was that I humbled myself to help & encourage her, even if I had a few frustrating moments when I just wanted to finish the race and take off without her.

We were the slowest in our team as I had imagined, but it didn't bother me as much as I thought it might. I was so proud of her resilient spirit and that she never once broached the subject of giving up. In fact, our entire group did a great job and had wonderful attitudes. I saw one girl in another team sit down with 1/4 mile left to go. I saw another girl (9 years old, maybe?) literally cling to the fence screaming "I want to go home!! I want to go home!!" and her father (I think) had to pull her off of the fence and carry her!

I can't wait for next year's race! And my appetite for another race (in which I will actually be able to run the entire thing) is definitely whetted...

marriage vs. parenthood

Our church is conducting a 6 week marriage class this fall. We just completed week 5. It's given us some good things to think about and talk through. While it's not perfect, I think that Chris & I have a really good marriage. We are well-suited to each other in many ways, particularly in the way that we think and view the world. We didn't have that difficult first year that many people talk about, in fact our first year of marriage was one of the most fun. We had a difficult engagement, so perhaps that was why?

As a result of this marriage class, our church started a marriage blog that has some interesting thoughts/questions/ideas about marriage (and we are the featured wedding picture this time :)). This post is asking the question about whether marriage makes you happy or holy. I have been thinking about this question lately as it applies to my own marriage. Before I got married, I didn't expect to be happy. Not in the long term, at least. It had nothing to do with Chris -- it more had to do with what I was reading and listening to, as well as my own parents divorcing when I was young. Everything was about how much work marriage was and how you shouldn't look to your spouse to fulfill you and how you will wake up one morning and not even like the person sleeping next to you. While these things can be true, it painted a pretty bleak picture for me.

So my bar was set very low for marriage and it's FAR exceeded my expectations. The thing that has worked to make me holy is my children. I think that all of those things that people warned me about marriage applies to children for me. Parenting is MUCH more difficult for me, much more of a refining process than marriage. Yes, my children are most certainly a blessing, but they are so much work, much more than my marriage!! At least in my marriage, it's a two-way street. Parenthood often feels like a one-way street, especially with my son telling me today (out of nowhere) "I don't like you, Mom." :( It's definitely taught me a lot about servanthood, patience, my own selfishness, and my need for Jesus.

These things might flip-flop throughout my life, when parenting seems easier and marriage seems harder at the time. But in the season of life we're in right now, parenthood definitely wins in the sanctification category!