My baby is almost one year old, a fact that gives me much consternation and sadness, as well as joy and delight. I have absolutely loved having a baby again. With each passing milestone -- sitting up, crawling, teething -- I have been happy and proud, with a twinge of sadness, knowing that was the end of that particular stage forever since this is most likely our last baby. However, this last "milestone" has reduced me to puddle of tears.
Elias decided on Friday that he was done nursing.
He had been horribly sick and miserable all week -- Caroline had it first and then passed it onto me and then I passed it onto Chris and finally it made its way to Elias. It was a terrible virus and he was one very unhappy baby, not wanting to be put down, but continuing to cry while I was holding him. He was skipping some of his regular nursing sessions that week, but would then nurse at the next one. However, on Friday, he decided that he didn't want to nurse at all and was screaming & arching his back as if I was trying to poison him. I was a weeping mess on Friday night -- I was not and am still not emotionally ready to let him wean.
I have loved nursing my babies. It was exquisitely painful with my firstborn for the first 6 weeks, but then it was way easier. I loved the knowledge that my body was nourishing and sustaining life, even after they were out of the womb. I loved knowing that I was giving them nutrition that was specifically tailored for them. I love all of the amazing properties of breast milk, including the medicinal ones. And, I won't lie -- I loved the weight loss benefits. But, most of all, I love watching their little faces as they nurse, how relaxed and happy that it makes both them and me, and I love the cuddle time, which is precious since neither of my boys were/are very cuddly.
That's not to say that nursing isn't without its issues -- I have had mastitis and plugged ducts. I had a particularly bad plugged duct with Elias, which was very tender and painful. Elias also started biting me in this past week and I have reacted strongly, as I have with my older two children, which got them to stop right away. However, he continued to bite me and I continued to say "No bite!" and pull him off, which made him cry. I wonder if this is part of the reason he is on a nursing strike, the fear of my reaction...
According to La Leche League, this is a classic nursing strike, not a weaning. I would like to continue our nursing relationship, but I have also heard of kids who are impossible to wean after you persevere through a strike and get them nursing again. He *is* almost 1 year old -- I was planning on starting to wean him around 18 months anyhow. I'm going to continue to offer it until Friday and then if he's done, then he's done. So far he has shown no interest, though he will take expressed breast milk from a cup, so I'm pumping for now.
*sigh* I clearly remember the last time he nursed, which was Thursday night before bed. I wish I would have known it was the last time :( I'm thankful to have had 11 months of nursing my baby though, I know that there are many who aren't able to nurse at all.
1 comment:
That's so hard. It sounds like you have a good plan to keep offering. Hopefully, he'll get back in the groove. I have been mourning the lack of nursing around here, and it makes me sad to hear of other moms who have to stop before they're ready (or who want to nurse, but for whatever reason, it doesn't work out).
I was surprised at how much I enjoyed breastfeeding, and I wasn't ever quite ready for the kids to be done. Although - once each child did wean - I definitely appreciated the freedom of *not* nursing. It was a pleasure to stop wearing nursing bras. :)
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