As I have noted before, Elias does not like me talking about autism, particularly not when I'm talking about him. He got his haircut a few weeks ago and I told the hair stylist that he is autistic so that she'd understand the extra challenges that he was throwing her way and he looked at me in a "Shut up Mom" way and started crying. So, I wasn't exactly sure how he'd react to me showing him the materials. But I read through the ebook before I presented it to him and thought that maybe this would be a way for us to reframe the emotions and conversation for him. So, one night after my online class he came into my bedroom where I was looking at the site and climbed up on my lap. I played the music video for him and told him, "Look Elias! This is a song about autistic people! And those kids there are all autistic too, just like you!!" He had his blanket with him and was nodding his head and smiling along with the music. I tried to point out different parts of the video like "See those boys drumming? You like to play the drums too!" or "She is feeling scared." We then moved to the ebook and he sat and listened to almost the whole book.
I watched the other videos when the kids were at school -- good thing too because I cried through most of them. There's been a lot of that lately. Not because I'm sad, really, but because all of my emotions are living right on top of my skin lately for a variety of reasons, probably the primary one being just feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the grace of God and His provision. Overwhelmed by the road ahead of us. Overwhelmed by the abundance of riches that Elias receives at school.
Back to the initiative: do you know who really likes them? Caroline. She routinely asks to watch them and is fascinated by it. I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm certainly not discouraging her. My hope is that NT kids WILL watch these videos and that autism will become de-stigmatized by the community apt to bully and marginalize autistic people.
Of course, this initiative is not universally-loved. I read this piece, Not in Love with Julia who calls out the initiative for being "ableist." What is ableist, you ask? Good, because I didn't know either pre-diagnosis. It is "discrimination in favor of able-bodied people." That is, the framework through which you see life. Instead of "Caucasian" (racism) or "Male" (sexism), it's "able-bodied / -minded."
I think she makes some decent points in the article. Of course, the whole "with autism / autistic" debate rears its head once again since the videos tend to use the former. I particularly liked this part of the discussion:
A video aimed at parents, this one featured Yusenia’s dad talking about supporting his wife because in raising an autistic child, “there’s probably not a day that’s not stressful.” (As opposed to life raising typical children, which is nothing but unicorn farts and rainbows from sunup to sundown, right?)I will say that I completely agree that raising NT kids is difficult too! Some autistic children have very significant challenges though, something that we don't have. But I will also say that I cried when Yesenia's dad started crying about how she blew out a candle on her 6th birthday. I interpreted his crying as he was so grateful that she did it -- the writer found it to be "dismissive and self-centered and, honestly, anti-autistic". You can view the video and form your own opinion here.
So, while it's not perfect, nothing is perfect. But what I am really appreciating is that it's re-framing the narrative and rhetoric around autism for our family. If this initiative can get Elias to appreciate his differences and realize that he truly is AMAZING, then it will be a success for us. And if parents of NT kids show these videos to their children to help them realize that children with differences are just like they are with families, similar desires (to play and have fun!), promoting not just empathy but a willingness to come alongside, befriend, and include, then it will be a success for our entire society. Because those NT children will turn into NT adults who have opportunities to hire, house, educate, and live in communities with autistic adults.
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