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| I am so thankful for this boy. |
1. God is faithful
Yes, I knew this before. But I knew it as an academic exercise. His faithfulness and provision for us has been kind of outrageous: at every turn I have seen evidence of Him opening doors and creating opportunities for us. We needed help and He provided it through Elias's school, through friends and family who have loved us and walked through this with us, through our church who accommodates and cares for Elias.
2. When I am weak, He is strong
So, this is a corollary to #1 and a verse (2 Corinthians 12:10) that I memorized shortly after becoming a Christian in college. Again, it was more or less something I knew in my head but hadn't really experienced. I have always had the resources to do what I needed: I have never had to depend on God for shelter, food, clothing, and other basic necessities. And now I find myself in a situation in which I am powerless. Yes, I can find therapists for him. Yes, we have resources to get him at least a minimal amount of support. But we cannot make him talk. We cannot make him learn. What he needs is significantly far beyond our means or ability. This has to be the work of the power of God in Elias's life.
3. Autism is a descriptive diagnosis, not a prescriptive one
In those difficult days after his diagnosis, I was so sad because I was remembering all of the things I had read and seen about autism up to that point. The only positive thing I could think of was that Einstein was supposedly autistic. The fear-mongering that the likes of Autism Speaks and Jenny McCarthy had spread was fully imbued in me to that point where autism was just a step up from your child being diagnosed with a terminal disease. I now see that autism DESCRIBES one part of who he is. Autism shades and nuances who he is but it also is not the only thing about him. Far from it. Similarly, autism is not a prescriptive diagnosis. It does not tell us what the future is going to be for him, it does not tell us what kind of abilities he will or will not have. It's not a condemnation. It helps us know how to better support and teach him. And very importantly it gets him the services that he needs through insurance.
4. Awareness of the disability communitiy
Similar to white privilege where white people never need to really think about or engage the needs of racial minorities, ableism is a form of hegemony where disabled people are pushed to the margins and are at best disregarded, ignored and only grudgingly accommodated. At worst they are bullied, scorned, and even killed, sometimes by their own parents. I fell into the ableist camp before his diagnosis. I didn't need to think about disability so I didn't. And now that we're knee-deep in disability, it's always on my mind and it's opened my eyes to how much has been done to disabled people in the past, how far we've come (thank you George H. W. Bush for signing into law the ADA / IDEA act!!). I am proud to be part of this community, even as a neophyte.
5. Recognizing differences in everyone
Since I was previously ignorant of disability and its various manifestations which, when non-disabling, are more commonly known as just differences, I began to see that my daughter has some sensory issues that I never understood before. Because of Elias's diagnosis, I am a lot more sympathetic to my other kids and have a better understanding of them. I do more assessing of the situation before I jump to conclusions about their behavior. I also see things in myself as well, like how I don't like large crowds or how cranky I get when things are too loud.
I feel optimistic one year post-diagnosis. We have a ways to go and we are obviously in the long-game but I absolutely know that Elias is in the best possible place for him at his preschool. He is making good gains in language, attention, and awareness. I am SO glad that we live in a time when autism and disability in general is starting to be more visible and less vilified. A time when I am not pressured to institutionalize my child or told that there wasn't anything that could be done to help him.
I am so proud to be Elias's mom. And I am so thankful that God has used him as a catalyst for change in me.
3. Autism is a descriptive diagnosis, not a prescriptive one
In those difficult days after his diagnosis, I was so sad because I was remembering all of the things I had read and seen about autism up to that point. The only positive thing I could think of was that Einstein was supposedly autistic. The fear-mongering that the likes of Autism Speaks and Jenny McCarthy had spread was fully imbued in me to that point where autism was just a step up from your child being diagnosed with a terminal disease. I now see that autism DESCRIBES one part of who he is. Autism shades and nuances who he is but it also is not the only thing about him. Far from it. Similarly, autism is not a prescriptive diagnosis. It does not tell us what the future is going to be for him, it does not tell us what kind of abilities he will or will not have. It's not a condemnation. It helps us know how to better support and teach him. And very importantly it gets him the services that he needs through insurance.
4. Awareness of the disability communitiy
Similar to white privilege where white people never need to really think about or engage the needs of racial minorities, ableism is a form of hegemony where disabled people are pushed to the margins and are at best disregarded, ignored and only grudgingly accommodated. At worst they are bullied, scorned, and even killed, sometimes by their own parents. I fell into the ableist camp before his diagnosis. I didn't need to think about disability so I didn't. And now that we're knee-deep in disability, it's always on my mind and it's opened my eyes to how much has been done to disabled people in the past, how far we've come (thank you George H. W. Bush for signing into law the ADA / IDEA act!!). I am proud to be part of this community, even as a neophyte.
5. Recognizing differences in everyone
Since I was previously ignorant of disability and its various manifestations which, when non-disabling, are more commonly known as just differences, I began to see that my daughter has some sensory issues that I never understood before. Because of Elias's diagnosis, I am a lot more sympathetic to my other kids and have a better understanding of them. I do more assessing of the situation before I jump to conclusions about their behavior. I also see things in myself as well, like how I don't like large crowds or how cranky I get when things are too loud.
I feel optimistic one year post-diagnosis. We have a ways to go and we are obviously in the long-game but I absolutely know that Elias is in the best possible place for him at his preschool. He is making good gains in language, attention, and awareness. I am SO glad that we live in a time when autism and disability in general is starting to be more visible and less vilified. A time when I am not pressured to institutionalize my child or told that there wasn't anything that could be done to help him.
I am so proud to be Elias's mom. And I am so thankful that God has used him as a catalyst for change in me.
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