Costco

So I've been on a blogging hiatus for awhile and what do I come back to post about?  Yep, Costco.  They just opened one up closer to my house and I went to check it out last week with my wonderful friend Colleen who is a member.  When I walk into Costco, I just feel like an American.    The place is enormous.  It's a bastion of consumerism.  It sells things in ridiculous quantities.  Yes, if anything says America, it is Costco (the large number of products that are manufactured in China notwithstanding, of course, though maybe that also says "America" to me).

Anyhow, I joined the club last week.  I have been holding out for awhile, going along with Colleen when she goes there.  However, after reading The Compassionate Carnivore: Or, How to Keep Animals Happy, Save Old McDonald's Farm, and Still Eat Meat and rethinking my own position on what I want my food dollars to be supporting, I wanted to explore all options, including buying straight from a farmer, a CSA (which we've done in the past), buying a la carte from places like Trader Joe's and Whole Foods, and also check out Costco, since I know they have "happy" meat and eggs.

At least in the Costco here, they had organic ground beef for $4.50/lb (cheapest I had seen was TJ's for $6.50/lb) and organic eggs for $5.99/2 dozen.  Generally organic eggs are $4/dozen.  These two things sold me.  Plus, our Costco has gas -- something that makes my gas-price-checking son very happy.  In fact, after Colleen told him that she got gas cheaper at Costco by being a member, he asked her "Is that legal??"

The conventional wisdom is that things are cheaper at Costco since you are buying enormous quantities of it (um, 12 lbs of popcorn, anyone?), but since I am the kind of grocery shopper who goes to several different places including Aldi, I wanted to see if it was actually cheaper to buy my staples there.  So, armed with a paper and pencil (very high tech), I calculated the per unit cost at both Aldi and Costco and here are my results:

Costco

 Aldi

As you can see, Costco is actually cheaper than Aldi for quite a few things, like honey, pecans, butter, and canola oil.  However, the issue for me is quantity.  I really don't have room to store 5 quarts of canola oil!  So the .002 cents I'm saving per quart are not worth the hassle of having such a large container in my kitchen.  Even if I keep my current container and pour the oil in, it's still a hassle.

As far as diapers go, I have used the Jewel brand diapers (Baby Basic) on all three of my kids and have been pleased with them.  Elias is in size 3 and they are $0.16 each, the size 3 diapers (Kirkland brand) at Costco are $0.18 or $0.19 each.  The wipes at Costco are $0.02 each and the ones at Target are $0.019 each -- and I prefer the Target brand.

Aside from the meat and eggs, the absolute best deals that I have found at Costco in my week as a member are their pure vanilla extract -- I don't remember the actual price, but it's far far less to buy it in a larger container than it is to buy it in 1 oz containers that most grocery stores carry -- and their yeast.  I bought 32 oz for slightly more than 4 oz costs at a regular grocery store.  As long as you keep it in an airtight container and in the refrigerator, it should last you.

An added bonus?  The samples!  My kids get so excited by walking around and trying out the free samples :)  The frugal mom blog I read has commenters who say they save money by letting their kids wander around and eat the samples as their lunch!  I don't think I will do that, but it is fun to try the different things they have to offer.  Now, if I can only figure out how to get out of there for less than $100 (all within budget, but still)...

Kindergarten Graduation

I have to admit, I was a skeptic with all of this Kindergarten Graduation stuff being bandied about.  I never had a graduation ceremony until I was in high school and here in Chicago, they have Kindergarten, Eighth Grade AND High School Graduation.  Overkill, if you ask me.  Ben kept bringing home flyers about it -- wanting us to donate money and/or things for goodie bags, asking for volunteers to decorate before the ceremony, and a flyer for an after-graduation party (which we had in high school, it was an all-nighter though). 

However, it was really sweet. I loved seeing all of the kids up there and reminiscing on how far Ben has come and thinking back to how anxious I was about it before he started.  I'm really thankful for his outstanding teacher who made this transition as painless as it could be.  I'm also thankful for his friends who have welcomed him.  Though I was cynical about it before graduation, it was a good time for me to reflect and to see how far he's come.

I have thought about why Chicago has so many graduations -- I only had High School Graduation when I was growing up.  Chicago Public Schools has one of the highest dropout rates in the country -- I wonder if people make a big deal out of Kindergarten/8th Grade Graduation because they never get to High School Graduation.  Same thing with prom -- prom is a huge deal here, maybe because so many poor, minority, urban kids never end up getting married, so prom is their one opportunity to get dressed to the nines and be celebrated?

Anyhow, I'm so proud of my little man.  He's come a long way this year through a lot of hard work.  Congratulations Ben, Class of 2024!

Budgeting Has Taken Over My Life

My inner monster has been unleashed. 

For the first few months, I was trying to simply record all of our transactions to see where our money was going and try to stay within our allotted dollar amounts.  Unfortunately, we had some unforeseen incidents 3 out of the 4 months so far, including re-tiling our shower, buying a new dishwasher, and me hitting a parked car and paying cash to the owner ($727!!).  Ugh.

So, armed with the a few months worth of data on of how much we have been spending on things like clothes, groceries, household items, etc., I am now in the process of actively trying to cut these amounts down.  One website that I've been appreciating is called Money Saving Mom.  This has been a good resource for getting online coupons and finding other deals around the internet.  She is a Christian and I've really appreciated her emphasis on living simply.  She wrote a post about having a $30/week grocery budget that made my jaw drop.  I can't imagine spending that little!!  Of course, that was just for her and her husband, but the comments were incredible.  However, there are people with 3+ children living on $100/week in groceries, which includes diapers, cleaning products, etc.!!!  I'm spending between $500-$600/month on just food.

And this is where my tension arises.  I do not go for the cheapest meat, as I have discussed before.  So I buy the organic meat and we just eat less of it.  I also try to buy some of my fruits and vegetables organically and we eat a LOT of fruit.  I also buy organic milk and yogurt for the baby.  I've also started Weight Watchers again, so there's also that tension to buy low-fat cheese and other things that are less points.  It's been hard to find balance in all of these competing interests for me.  I'm trying to stay within budget and not drive either myself or my husband crazy with all of this and make sure my kids are healthy. 

My big motivator right now is that our 10th anniversary is coming up next February.  I would really love to go on a cruise to the Caribbean for a few days, but of course that's pricey.  However, if I can save money in other areas, we can put money towards that.

I am not going to become an extreme couponer or anything because I don't want to buy things that I wouldn't buy anyhow just to get a good deal on them (unless they are free, in which case... maybe) -- however, my goal is to try to cut my grocery budget to $100/week without sacrificing my principles.  We'll see :)

Strike!!

My baby is almost one year old, a fact that gives me much consternation and sadness, as well as joy and delight.  I have absolutely loved having a baby again.  With each passing milestone -- sitting up, crawling, teething -- I have been happy and proud, with a twinge of sadness, knowing that was the end of that particular stage forever since this is most likely our last baby.  However, this last "milestone" has reduced me to puddle of tears.

Elias decided on Friday that he was done nursing.

He had been horribly sick and miserable all week -- Caroline had it first and then passed it onto me and then I passed it onto Chris and finally it made its way to Elias.  It was a terrible virus and he was one very unhappy baby, not wanting to be put down, but continuing to cry while I was holding him.  He was skipping some of his regular nursing sessions that week, but would then nurse at the next one.  However, on Friday, he decided that he didn't want to nurse at all and was screaming & arching his back as if I was trying to poison him.  I was a weeping mess on Friday night -- I was not and am still not emotionally ready to let him wean.

I have loved nursing my babies.  It was exquisitely painful with my firstborn for the first 6 weeks, but then it was way easier.  I loved the knowledge that my body was nourishing and sustaining life, even after they were out of the womb.  I loved knowing that I was giving them nutrition that was specifically tailored for them.  I love all of the amazing properties of breast milk, including the medicinal ones.  And, I won't lie -- I loved the weight loss benefits.  But, most of all, I love watching their little faces as they nurse, how relaxed and happy that it makes both them and me, and I love the cuddle time, which is precious since neither of my boys were/are very cuddly.

That's not to say that nursing isn't without its issues -- I have had mastitis and plugged ducts.  I had a particularly bad plugged duct with Elias, which was very tender and painful.  Elias also started biting me in this past week and I have reacted strongly, as I have with my older two children, which got them to stop right away.  However, he continued to bite me and I continued to say "No bite!" and pull him off, which made him cry.  I wonder if this is part of the reason he is on a nursing strike, the fear of my reaction...

According to La Leche League, this is a classic nursing strike, not a weaning.  I would like to continue our nursing relationship, but I have also heard of kids who are impossible to wean after you persevere through a strike and get them nursing again.  He *is* almost 1 year old -- I was planning on starting to wean him around 18 months anyhow.  I'm going to continue to offer it until Friday and then if he's done, then he's done.  So far he has shown no interest, though he will take expressed breast milk from a cup, so I'm pumping for now.

*sigh*  I clearly remember the last time he nursed, which was Thursday night before bed.  I wish I would have known it was the last time :(  I'm thankful to have had 11 months of nursing my baby though, I know that there are many who aren't able to nurse at all.

New Year's Resolution

I don't make a New Year's Resolution every year.  Typically it's not something I have agonized over for months and on January 1st take the plunge.  When I make one, it's either something that I've wanted to do for awhile and have made ample excuses not to, something that takes work that I haven't been able to put into it before, or something that I want to in order to better myself.  A few years ago it was to commit to reading one book per month, which sounds modest, but when you have 2 small children at home, it wasn't as easy as one may think, though I did end up exceeding my goal.

This year, I decided that that my resolution would be to put our family on a budget.  I have been married for almost nine years, I have a business degree and yet we have never been on a real budget before.  I do the bills and it's all been in my head.  I've always known if we have enough money in checking to cover our expenses and if we don't, I know when we need to transfer it.  This has worked okay -- we have no consumer debt and we have emergency and retirement savings.  However, we also don't have any financial goals for lack of pre-planning.

I've mostly resisted putting us on a budget because it's been too annoying as the one who does the bills.  For example:  if I go to Target and buy bananas, diapers, soup, a birthday card and toilet paper, I then get home and have to distill the receipt into four different categories and also account for tax (this is my business background coming out -- wanting to tie every amount to the penny).  It's irritating and I tend to give up after the receipts start piling up.

I downloaded 30 day trial of this budgeting program called You Need a Budget and I really like it so far.  Their methodology makes sense to me and I'm not sure if it's just because I'm in a place where I'm ready to do finally do it, but I really like the way the software is set up.  I've also decided to just estimate the amounts when I make one of those Target trips that I described before -- even if it's not perfect, it's better than not recording it at all.

I have accounts set up for both our checking and credit card since we put most of our purchases on the credit card and then pay it off in its entirety the following month to take advantage of the rewards.  I like being able to see the balances of both instead of just guessing at what is coming up and what has been paid already.  It is somewhat labor intensive for me as I go daily to our bank website and download files to import into the software, but right now it's not a burden.  To me, that's easier than keeping track of all of the receipts! 

I also like this software because there's a lot of support for it, unlike Quicken or Microsoft Money.  You can email a real person and they will email you back, or you can post to their forums, on which their staff answers questions.  The only drawback is that it costs $60, which seems a little steep to me, but then you have it for life, including any updates.  I haven't bought it yet, but I'm thinking I will.

I have the tool and resolve right now -- let's see if I stick to it!  I'd love to hear about how other people budget.

Two Book Reviews

Book Review #1
I recently read Cinderella Ate My Daughter:  Dispatches from the Front Lines of the Girly Girl Culture by Peggy Orenstein.  I was reluctant to read this book after reading an excerpt of it on msnbc.com several months ago, but my friend Ann recommended it to me so I thought I would give it a go. I'm glad that I did.

There are many things in the book that I disagree with.  Part of the reason that I didn't want to read it after reading the excerpt was the whole idea that girls playing with, say, Thomas the Tank Engine, was preferred over them playing with princesses.  I think that is a feminist ruse that exalts the male while diminishing the female, which ironically is what feminists are supposedly fighting against.  As the mother of a girly girl who is not one herself, it has been a struggle at times to accept all of the pink and obsession with princesses.  I certainly don't need a feminist telling me that my daughter needs to play with boy toys!  However, my initial impression of the book was incorrect.  It was less of a railing against pink and girly than an examination of our culture and the impact that it is having on young girls, particularly the sexualization of girls at a younger and younger age.

Though I fundamentally disagree with her sexual ethics, I do agree with her observation that girls are being encouraged to act, dress, and pretend to be older than they are.  I see this when I go shopping and see Disney Princess lip balm, eyeshadow, and nail polish.  I see this when I see ads for Toddlers and Tiaras (a show that I purposefully boycotted, even when we did have cable).  I see this when I walk down the clothing aisles for 6-10 year old girls and am appalled that they look like mini versions of clothes for 21 year olds.  I see this when I read stories about men arrested for possessing child pornography.  I see this when I hear the horror stories of 3 and 4 year old girls around the world being sold into sexual slavery to assuage the appetites of pedophiles, many from western countries.  It's a slippery slope.

If you have a girl, it's worth the read.

Book Review #2
Over the weekend I finished Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demick.  This was one of the most amazing books I've ever read.  Demick uses her interviews from six North Korean defectors to piece together what life was like in the 80s and 90s in the northern town of Chongjin, which is in the northeast corner of North Korea.

We have all heard the figures -- approximately 600,000 to 2 million people died during the famine in the late 90's after the Soviet Union collapsed and stopped subsidizing the North Korean government.  However, reading the stories behind the famine makes it almost unbearable to contemplate the horrors that were going on at the time, and the government's unwillingness to acknowledge it, much less help.  Instead of food for its people, all of the country's meager resources were going into the production of nuclear weapons.  The people have been so indoctrinated (read:  brainwashed) into thinking that a strike by the US or its "puppet government" in South Korea was imminent that they were willing to accept this.  Further, the government would tell them to persevere while they and their children were starving.  The deification of the Kim family, the propoganda and the blindness of the government would almost be funny if it weren't so tragic.

I could not possibly do this book justice in this review.  Read it.

the difference between boys & girls

Scene:  me, pumping milk to squirt into the baby's eye, which is infected with pink eye.
Ben: *eyeing the output (note:  he couldn't actually see anything, just the bottle sticking out from under my shirt)* "How does the store get gallons and gallons of milk?"
Me:  "Well, that milk comes from cows."
Ben: "From the cow's privates, just like your milk comes from your privates?"
Me:  "Uh, yes -- on cows it's called an udder.  It's underneath of them."
Ben:  "Oh yeah!  I know what you're talking about.  Boy and girl cows have udders."
Me:  "No, only girl cows have udders.  Only girls, cows and humans, make milk."
Ben:  "What do boy cows make?  Cheese?"
Me:  "No, cheese comes from milk."
Ben:  *thinking*  "So, boys don't make anything, huh?"

a parenting dilemma solved

I actually made up a solution to a parenting dilemma that was driving me nuts!  I'm not a super original mom for the most part -- I often ask friends for advice, scour the internet, post a facebook plea...  Why reinvent the wheel when I can stand on the shoulders of giants, right?

A plate of snacks = harmony between mom & daughter

So, our issue was that a certain little Miss was asking me constantly for a snack.  Like every 30 minutes, at least.  It was making me crazy because she wasn't hungry, she was bored and it devolves into pestering and whining.  She also wasn't eating meals because she was snacking so much through the day!  It was making me miserable and her too.  So, I decided to do something about it.  I got out a plate and put a variety of healthy (yogurt, fruit, vegetables, string cheese) and neutral (I'm looking at you graham crackers and pretzels) snacks on it and dubbed it her "snack plate" and put it on the bottom of the refrigerator that she can get whenever she wants.  And once she's out, she's out of snacks.

To this writing, she has asked me far less for snacks and not even eaten the entire plate once!  This tells me that she really was bored and not actually hungry when she was asking before, which is something I want to nip in the bud with her right away.  I think this has allowed her to feel much more in control of her food, which in turn has made her stop obsessing over it.

Now, I'm sure that this isn't an original idea and probably everyone else does this and I'm finally just catching on now :)  But it's been a revelation over here!

Life With 3 Kids - Clarification

I realize that I said that I wanted three kids and then ended my last post with "this was the best thing that we almost didn't do." which is confusing!  I didn't mention in that post how much back and forth Chris & I both did about whether or not to birth the third child or to begin the adoption process.  It really felt like a now or never situation if we were going to birth another baby. 

Once I got pregnant, my husband said "Well, I guess we're having 4 kids!"  However, I need a little more sleep before I start thinking about adopting another baby :)

Life With 3 Kids

I come from a two child family, it was just me and my brother who is 18 months younger than me.  Growing up I often wished that there was someone else to play with, particularly when my brother was alone playing Legos, something that held no interest for me -- I built the same thing every time:  a house. 

I decided from a young age that I wanted more than two kids -- probably three, maybe even four.  When my husband and I started dating and talked about children, we both said three or four (at least one of which would be adopted). 

Then we had our first.  He was fussy (bordering on colic) and slept horribly for the first 12 months of his life.  I was beginning to reconsider this whole 3-4 kids idea.  We were surprised with our second child, but we were fully intending to start trying to conceive in the next few months, so it was not shocking.  I was terrified of a repeat experience as I had with my first in his newborn years, but our daughter could NOT have been more different.  She was an amazing sleeper (sleeping through the night by 8 weeks and from 7 pm - 7 am by 12 weeks) and nothing seemed to bother her.  She was the most laid-back and easy baby.

It was the memories of my second that drove my desire to give birth to just one more baby about a year and a half ago.  I wanted to squeeze those chubby thighs and kiss those chubby cheeks.  I missed having a child that didn't yet talk to me, just gave me sweet little grins.  And, I knew that this was most likely going to be the last opportunity -- I am going to be 35 next year and with a previous c-section, I didn't want to take chances that I would have to have a repeat c-section and I feared being on a short leash while in labor.  Plus, I would like to get some sleep at SOME point in my life!

Our third baby has been all of the chubby smooshiness that I could have wanted.  Seriously, if I could bottle up the sensation of kissing fat baby cheeks and sell it, I would be a billionaire.  For the most part, he has been a hybrid of my two previous baby experiences -- mostly laid-back, happy baby, but not a great sleeper, though he's not as bad as his brother was.

I have been able to take things more in stride this time around.  Yes, sleep deprivation is still a really horrible feeling, plus having to take care of two other children after you haven't gotten any sleep and can't take a nap since the other two need attention, in addition to my husband going out of town for work two separate times for a few days apiece within 5 weeks.  However, this time I have admitted my weakness and called on the Lord and I know that He's given me the strength, energy, and yes, joy, that I have needed in this season.  I don't want to look back at this time and only see a sleep-deprived fog.  I know how quickly this baby time with Elias is going to go and I want to make sure I enjoy it!

I will say though that there are times when I think "Wow, was this totally crazy that we had a third kid???"  Mostly I say that when the sleep deprivation gets really bad.  However, the other two were potty-trained, sleeping through the night (mostly), they were both in school, and now we started all over again.  Elias is at the point that he needs regular naps, so I'm once again tied to home while he naps -- which isn't a bad thing, but difficult because I would really love to volunteer to go on field trips at Ben's school, but I can't right now since I don't have a babysitter and he won't take a bottle.

However, I know that this is all just a phase and it will go more quickly than I want it to.  Having Elias was absolutely the best thing that we almost didn't do.  As happens with each child, I can't imagine our family without him anymore!

race and elementary school

A curious development has happened in the first few months of Kindergarten -- Ben seemingly has joined a group of friends (about 3 other boys) and they're all ASIAN!!! This is interesting to me, as my son has joined what I call the "racial clumping" phenomenon (I'm sure there's a more sociologically correct term), where kids tend to hang out with their own race. His class seems to be about 30-35% white/black/asian and 5-10% latino.

This isn't surprising, generally. Kids tend to stick to the familiar and similar cultures and appearance breeds familiarity, so this doesn't surprise me for most children. HOWEVER, my child has the following working against this mentality:

-He is of mixed race
-We live in a mostly African-American community
-His entire extended family is white
-He has never spent extended time with 100% Asian kids -- they've all been white/Asian mix, white, or black
-I am not culturally Korean -- the most Korean we get is his white father eating kimchee

So what would cause him to be in the "Asian boy" group? Is it because these boys grouped together naturally (I'm assuming they all have culturally Asian parents -- I believe they are all Chinese, based on their last names)? Did they know each other in advance? Did they see my son and accept him into their group based on his looks? It seems that Ben befriended a boy early on and then they all started hanging out together somehow. Since I'm not there, I don't know the ins and outs of it -- I'm just extrapolating from the little he's told me and what I've been able to observe.

I also realize that very little of this matters to children -- it's not in their consciousness. Maybe in their subconscious they are choosing their friends based on race, but it's not their primary motivator. I remember an incident when I was in elementary school when a Jewish kid called me "flat face" and I called him "big nose" -- we weren't being racist, we were just insulting each other based on our observations. I had no idea he was Jewish until I was much older! I actually didn't have a conception of race until I was in middle school. I knew I looked different than my parents, but I wasn't able to process why/how I was different besides the fact that I was born in a different country.

No matter what their race, I am so glad that my son has found friends so quickly at this school -- it's an answer to prayer for me!

perfection & Laurie Berkner

Before Chris & I were engaged, we went through pre-engagement counseling (which I would recommend for anyone who is thinking about marrying someone -- do it before a ring is bought and deposits are put down). One thing that has stuck with me 10 years later is our counselor telling me that if I continue to be so hard on myself, that is going to extend to Chris and any future children we have. I have thought about that statement on and off and am realizing how true it is.

I know that I am by no means perfect and I'm not even really a perfectionist. And I don't believe that I demand perfection from my husband or kids. But I do find myself sometimes thinking that they should be better than they are (and I often think about myself in those terms as well) and I'm especially guilty of thinking my kids should be able to do more than they actually can at their age. I think partly it's because the oldest two started talking so early and have always shown themselves to be fairly intelligent (though I am their mom, so I'm biased).

We have lately been obsessed with Laurie Berkner around these parts, Caroline in particular (I also admit to really loving her music too!). There's a song called "I"m Not Perfect" that almost brought my to tears when I first heard it. It's not even 2 minutes long -- take a listen:



lyrics

You know what? I don't want perfect kids. I love my kids just the way they are -- and they love me, flaws and all. They do their best, and I do my best. And it's okay. This also extends to God's relationship with us -- while He is perfect, He doesn't expect us to be and knows that we're going to screw up all of the time, and yet He loves us anyhow. It's great to find wisdom in unexpected places, like driving in a car listening to children's music :)

Kindergarten Update

We are beginning Week 4 of Kindergarten today. Thank you Chicago Public Schools -- in the 3 weeks that we've had so far, we've only had 1 full week, and actually, while this is a full week, he has a day off the following week. Looking at the CPS calendar (we are "Regular Track"), Chris & I are continually in amazement how many days he gets off -- he has 6 days off in November!

So far, it's been going okay. I really like his teacher. She's really communicative with parents and seems to be on top of things. The first few weeks have centered around forming letters, both upper and lowercase, as well as beginning to get into their reading and math groups. We've had 2 meltdowns at school where he wasn't able to write his name -- he's fine writing it all uppercase, but has balked at lowercase and we haven't forced him. But, in the first week of school, she wanted them to write their full name (copying it off of their name tag) and he freaked out! The second meltdown was 2 weeks later because he wasn't at his name tag and couldn't spell his last name by memory.

The hardest adjustment for us all is just understanding the routine. Everything is brand new to us and it is hard for me as a mom to not be able to provide any guidance to Ben because I don't know how things work either. For example, Chris is dropping Ben off in the mornings on his way to work, but school doesn't start until 9:15 am and he has to be at work by 9, so he drops him off around 8:45. All of the children (K-8) who get there before school starts are kept in the cafeteria where they are then called out grade by grade to go to their classrooms.

Imagine being a 5 year old in a cafeteria with hundreds of other children where you don't know anyone, don't know what you're supposed to be doing or when you're leaving. Yeah, stressful. Chris left him the first day and called me later and told me that he was glad that I didn't have to do it because I probably couldn't have come away from the experience unscathed. Ben didn't cry, but the kid across the table was. Unfortunately, he ended up getting lost when they called his grade to leave :( The next day, when Chris dropped him off, he was crying and he Chris stayed with him until it was time for him to go to his classroom, which was good because then Chris could understand the process and he could drop him off in the optimal place for Ben to be able to hear when his grade is called.

The amount of homework has been excessive for a Kindergartner, in my opinion. His school is a Classical school, which in this case means that they are working a grade level ahead, and I believe it. He daily has at least 30 minutes of homework, which includes handwriting practice, math, and reading. In addition, he is supposed to be doing 15 mins of reading each day (we don't), and learning his sight words. This makes our after school routine somewhat cramped as we get home around 3:20, get a snack, put the baby down for a nap, do homework until about 4:15 and then have about 30 mins of downtime until I am making dinner, eating, bath and then starting the bedtime routine at 7:15. Part of the problem is that CPS has the shortest day in the country -- his runs from 9:15 - 2:50, which is 5 hours, 35 minutes. The short day, combined with the large number of days they get off make the work they do at home that much more.

There's a big debate on how to extend the day raging in Chicago right now. I'm for a longer day, but I sincerely hope that some of the homework they send home right now would actually be done in class instead of at home. Some days I feel like I'm homeschooling him!

Though honestly, I'm not complaining about it. I'm happy with the way he is progressing and his attitude has been amazing. He is so-so about whether or not he likes school (or so he tells me), but he's making friends and not complaining about having to do his homework, even telling me he'd like to do it. He has definitely been ready for the challenge academically. I want to make sure he gets downtime in and not push him so hard so young. I was talking to my friend whose son is in a good neighborhood school and their homework is currently drawing pictures for about 5 minutes. She makes the good point that how can kids who come from neighborhood schools compete with kids from Gifted/Classical schools when the level of work is so disparate?

I have three opposing forces working within me when I think about all of this. One is upset that I am unable to homeschool my son to spare him of all of the initial anxiety of having to learn new routines and being with him when he doesn't know how to do things like write his name in upper and lowercase letters. However, I know that it would never work for us. I remember asking a homeschooling friend what she does when her son says "No!" when she asks him to do something. She told me that her son very rarely does that and basically does what she asks him to do. This would most certainly NOT be my experience with Ben. He would fight me 80% of the time, particularly when we were working on things that didn't come easily to him (i.e., anything but math).

The other force is the suck-it-up force. Both of my parents worked full-time. I was in daycare from the time I was 2 years old. I went to before school care, after school care, etc. I got teased by older children for being Korean at one of my daycares. I had to learn new routines whenever we switched daycares (which we did after I was getting teased continuously). As a result, I was very independent from a young age. Maybe it's good for him to struggle and figure out things on his own. Still, as a mom, it's hard to watch your kid struggle even if it might be good for him.

The third force is the trust God force, that we are in this school for a purpose and to make the best of it. For the first time, Ben is making friends independent of me and we have an opportunity to be lights for Christ in this school. We told Ben that some people might not know who God is at this school and he said "EVERYONE knows who God is!" and we told him no, that's not necessarily true.

We finally do feel this week that we're starting to get a better handle on things and getting more comfortable with the school and our new routine... just in time for me to start stressing over getting Caroline into Skinner!

Reflections on 9/11

My memories of 9/11 are different than the vast majority of the rest of the country -- I was in the capital of Zimbabwe, Harare, on a short-term missions trip. Even after 10 years, it's difficult for me to process the events of that time because my trip so radically changed from what it was supposed to be to what it turned into.

On 9/11, we were just getting back to our rooms after spending the day out talking to people. I remember getting a knock on my door from my team leader around 3 pm, telling me that his wife just called and told him that a plane hit the World Trade Center. At the time, we didn't know if it was a small plane, if it was an accident or what. We turned on CNN in our rooms and saw the scope of what had actually happened. As we watched, we saw the 2nd plane hit the other tower. I remember distinctly my team leader saying that he was sure that Osama bin Laden was involved somehow. He was in Kenya when the American Embassy was bombed, so he was versed in the Islamic extremist movement.

My first thoughts were towards my friend Emily who was at school at NYU. She was the only person that I knew was in NYC at the time. Any internet connection was impossibly slow at that point because it was (1) 10 years ago and (2) I was in a developing country. I was able to get off an email to make sure that she was okay and also to my almost-boyfriend (now husband) who worked in downtown Chicago. He said that everything was fine there and that they were sent home early.

The rest of that day was a blur. Our team went out to dinner and the restaurant had the coverage playing over and over. We ate our meal and talked, incredulously, that something like this could have happened. When we heard that all flights had been grounded, we wondered how we were going to get home.

The Zimbabwean people were so gracious to us -- they would ask us if we were Americans and then extend their condolences. Everyone seemed to be in shock over this, not just us.

I finally got a line out to call my mom a few days later. As it turned out, she was actually in New York City for work on 9/11 and had a meeting scheduled for 9 am in a building directly across from the World Trade Center. The meeting got postponed to noon that day, so she was still in her hotel when the planes hit. She described the scene as apocolyptic as everyone evacuated Manhattan covered in soot and ash. She was so upset and was sobbing as she worried about me. I told her "Mom!! I'm in Zimbabwe!! You were in New York City!! I'm WAY safer than you are right now!"

We were scheduled to come home on September 20th and we were still worried about how we were going to get home since all flights in the US continued to be grounded. I was thinking that instead of my Harare -> London -> Chicago route that I might have to fly into Toronto and have my parents pick me up from there and then take the bus or train to Chicago. As it turns out, we were able to leave Harare on time (and boy, was I sweating bullets boarding that plane) and land in London Heathrow. Heathrow was a DISASTER -- since all of the airlines were feeling out the new world post-9/11, they decided that they were no longer going to transfer luggage and were making everyone claim their luggage and then re-check it in! You can imagine what the lines were like. I had to wait in a heated tent (and it was COLD and rainy in London in mid-September) for hours to even get into the airport to check my luggage in! My flight was delayed for hours due to the backlog.

I finally got into Chicago and was so thankful to finally be home and back with my countrymen, but it felt very much like I missed a collective national experience. Even though CNN was available in Zimbabwe, we weren't able to watch it all of the time. We didn't get any of the US network channels and no US print media. In retrospect, I'm glad that I did because the constant rehashing of it is difficult to watch, even 10 years ago, much less 2 or 3 days after. But I do feel like I missed much of the national spirit of unity that many people talk about in the days after.

In the intervening 10 years between then and now, I've gotten married, had 3 children, put my career on hold to raise those children, bought a house, and accumulated many more friends. There are times when I fear for my husband, commuting to downtown Chicago for work every day. But, in reality, the chances of him being the victim of a terror attack is slim to none. I am raising my children in a post-9/11 world, which doesn't mean a lot in our day-to-day lives, but I'm reminded of it when I watch the news or when we fly and all of the hoops that we have to jump through now. Does anyone else remember when we could show our driver's license, put our carry-on bags (with full-sized bottles of shampoo and contact solution!) on the conveyor belt and walk through security with our shoes on? And when we could go to the gate and meet our loved ones as they disembarked?

All of this is so minor compared to what so many people lost on that day -- husbands, fathers, wives, mothers, sisters, brothers. I cannot imagine the horror of knowing that your spouse went to work and then watching those images on tv, always wondering if they were killed instantly or were one of the ones who jumped or were killed when the towers fell. Looking at your young children and realizing that they will grow up without a father. It's heartbreaking.

I'm thankful to all of the first responders out there -- firefighters, police officers, and EMTs. What a difficult job you have. And despite my occasional cynicism and confusion about the US military, I'm thankful for them for protecting our country!

'twas the night before the night before Kindergarten

Ben starts Kindergarten in 2 days. He and I are both ready and not ready for this event. Academically, he's definitely ready. Physically, I'm ready for him to go. This has been an exhausting summer for me, having 3 kids at home all day long and not getting much sleep at night. Emotionally, neither of us are ready. He's going into a brand new environment -- we don't know a soul at this school! And that's anxiety-producing for both of us. He's told me a few times that he's nervous about it, which is expected and natural. I'm nervous too! the good thing is that none of the other kids know each other either (or if they do, it's a fluke thing) since kids from all over the city come to this school, so they're all in the same boat and it's not like he's coming into a place with already established friendships.

Of course, I worry about him socially. The thought of my little boy sitting all by himself at the lunch table or wandering on the playground alone is enough to make my sleep-deprived postpartum hormonal self start tearing up. Rationally, I know that he'll be okay. I am praying that he'll find a friend quickly so that going to school will be a little easier for him.

Academically, he'll do fabulously, though I think getting into the routine of doing daily homework will be challenging. He is working 1 grade level ahead at his school and I'm anticipating that the reading will be difficult for him. He's expected to read 40 books by June. 20 of those books we just have to record what he read and the date he read them, but for the other 20 he will have to write a book report (which can be dictated to us).

We had an Open House last Thursday where he got to see his classroom, his teacher, and most of the students. I like his teacher a lot. She's the only teacher in the school who gets the kids outside every day for recess and she really believes in the educating through play. Skinner is a really academic school, so I'm glad that he will have a gradual entry into the rigors of the academia. His teacher is also from Michigan, which makes me like her even more! :)

I personally loved school. I so hope that will be his experience too!

*for a recap of our CPS journey, click here for part 1 and here for part 2.